Friday, 17 May 2013

Friday Flash Fun

I may have previously mentioned that my book, Seven Daze, is being released in just over a week. So, instead of talking about allotments, horse poo and medieval kangaroo burgers I will instead post some short stories over the next week or so. Most of these have never seen the light of day for one reason or another. Some weren't crimey enough or were too crimey or were (not wanting to sound arty farty) a bit experiemental.

Anyway, here's the first. A bit of friday fun, nothing more nothing less.

What’s the point?

That’s the problem with being a unicorn. You have to be very careful about itches. One of my mates, Pointy, he stabbed himself in the knee one day. He was only trying to look left at a crossing. Took off half his leg. Poor sod.

That’s what people don’t understand. They think it’s all rainbows and waterfalls and that. Bugger me if it ain’t. The reality is, if you lie down wrong you castrate yourself. God knows how we’re supposed to breed. Got disaster written all over it. No wonder we’re endangered.

I knew this girly once, many moons ago. Getting on fine we were, until that day. Well, you know, things were getting a bit fruity between us. I mean that in itself’s dangerous, if you know what I mean. I turned round at the wrong time and accidentally skewered her. Bit of a passion killer that. She was alright, mind. But from then on, whenever I called, she was always washing her mane or down the gym.

Hunter’s are a problem too. Got to keep on your toes. Keeping your head down’s difficult when you got a great big fricking pole sticking out of it. Another of my mates, Spike, the hunter’s got him. Drugged him with some sort of sleeping dart then sawed his point off. When he woke up he kept falling over. His balance was all gone, see. He’d got used to the weight in front and kept over-compensating. Poor lad. He’s changing his name by deed poll you know, can’t blame him, can you?

Na, you can keep this unicorn lark. Next time, I’m coming back as a donkey. Much easier life. Much easier.

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